If I Could Pack My Hospital Bag Over Again

If you are less than 1 month from the delivery date, print this out and read this while packing your bag. Do this now. Not 5 minutes from now. Not tomorrow. Not after Oprah. Comprende? Ok. I"ll wait for you to go and print it out.

You"re back. Great. Now listen up. Packing the bag that you and your wife will take to the hospital is very important. It is important that you pack the right stuff and it is important that you pack it immediately. Why am I such a hardass about this? Maybe because I was a fool when my first kid was born and I didn"t pack my bag ahead of time. My daughter came 4 weeks early. She was healthy and ready to enter the world. I was exhausted and wearing 2 day old socks and boxer shorts.

If I could pack my hospital bag over again, here is what I would pack:

CONTENTS: THE "BRING OR PAY THE PRICE" LIST
You should pack the following in your bag:
• Changes of clothes for you and your wife for up to 4 days. Depending on the hospital, your insurance plan, and the health of mother and child, you may be in the hospital up to 3 days after the baby is born. Considering your wife can be in labor up to 24 hours, that brings the day count to 4 days. Your wife might be in hospital gowns the whole time but it is better to bring extra clothes just in case. Plus, let"s say you get interrupted from a major business meeting because your wife is in labor. You don"t want to be sporting your 3-piece for 3 days. NOTE: Let your wife pick out her own clothes. You don"t even want to go there.

• Clothes for your baby is necessary for the trip home. Use common sense: if it is in the middle of winter you will need to bring extra blankets.

• Toiletries are essential if you want to keep your teeth clean, your pits dry, and your face smooth. Most recovery rooms in the maternity ward have in-room showers. You won"t need towels. Word of advice, be careful not to lean up against the red emergency button in the shower. The last thing you want is a team of nurses busting into the shower (and they will) with you standing there washing your nuts.

• Pillows will be necessary for labor and recovery. Many times, during labor, the mother will want something to clench to or something to alleviate their back pain. Plus, you will want a pillow to sleep with on the pullout cot. Trust me, your head and back will thank me.

• Lollipops are nice to have because they will keep your wife"s mouth hydrated. There"s a lot of huffing and puffing going on and dry mouth will occur. The powers that be advise not to bring hard candy or chewy candy as they might choke on them mid-contraction. So leave the Sugar Daddys at home.

• Food. You will be hungry during this ordeal. You should pack some snacks for yourself. Avoid especially smelly foods to eat around your wife in labor. She will be hypersensitive to that. (Keep the sardines and beef jerky for later.) I recommend granola bars, crackers, and pretzels.

• Special pictures and other doodads are sometimes brought in to relax the mother by surrounding her with familiar items. The success of these items vary with the mother. Sometimes this also includes magazines, books, special music, or games. When my son was born, we were prepared and we packed all sorts of things. But from that experience, we didn"t need to bring the Scrabble, her iPod, or her book. My wife did read a lot of magazines though.

• A camera or video camera should definitely be brought with you. Even if it is a cheap disposable one. You WILL want to capture the moments unfolding in front of your eyes. If you bring a digital, make sure you have extra batteries and the recharger. And discuss with your wife beforehand which shots are off-limits. She might not want you to be shooting spread eagle shots during the single most painful moment of her life. Or then again, she might want you to. Just ask. NOTE: Always gain wifey approval before circulating pictures to family and friends. Pictures taken during labor might yield embarrassing results. Your wife"s face might not reach "O-Face" caliber but it could be close.

• Communication is key when the baby is born. You will be talking to people on the phone for the next 48 hours. And this is besides the friends and family that will surround you in the hospital room. Bring your cell phone, the charger, and don"t forget to bring your address book. If you are overambitious distribute a phone chain ahead of time. Call the first person, give them your recovery room phone number and then just wait for the calls to come in. Everyone will find out the news and you will save cell phone minutes. Just make sure you personally call the important people.

• Don"t forget to bring some cash. In some hospitals, the cafeteria does not except credit cards. Plus, the last thing you want is having to walk 6 blocks to get to an ATM from your bank just to buy a Coke and a bag of chips.

Good luck noodads. Start packing!