A Dirty Labor Secret Exposed

Do you smell that? It smells like a zoo in here? It must be
the 500 lb gorilla in the room. For you predads, you have not been
given all the answers. Sure, your friends have given you the details
about labor and they have told you how scary it is. They have probably
even mentioned how gory it could get. They will go on and on about how
she will say things to you that she doesn't mean so don't take it
personal. All good advice. But they are leaving out one dirty aspect of
a vaginal delivery in their retelling of their story to you. That's is
why, I, Screwdad feel like I need to just come right out and say it.
Let the cat out of the bag per se. And I will…very shortly.

Your friends mean well. They probably figure they are
the only one. One might assume that something so unspeakable must be a
rare experience. "Surely it only happened to me", they think. "It's not
worth even bringing it up and scaring them."

But they are doing
you a disservice! They are not being helpful. You need to know the
upcoming horror so that you are prepared to deal with it. And this has
the potential of freaking you out. After I witnessed this, I finally
figured out what Rick James was talking about. That's how freaky this
is.

"Ok, Screwdad, enough stalling! WTF is this?" you say. Ok. here it goes.

Umm…gulp…during labor…when your wife is pushing the baby out…she will most likely crap her pants.

There.
I said it. I can't take it back now. So when you are watching for your
kid's head, you will be greeted with the PlayDoh Fun Factory. You can't
blame your wife. The docs actually tell the mother to push like they do
when they drop the deuce so of course it's inevitable. Remember when
you tried to move that refrigerator with your friend and you didn't
have that dolly? Remember how when you lifted it and extreme force was
piped through your body, and then you let out that huge fart? Now
imagine doing that every 2 minutes for a couple of hours and then
pushing a baby out.

So there. Now you know. It's perfectly normal so don't worry about it. Good luck noodads.