Another Way Out: The C Section

If you’re concerned about remembering all the information crammed down your throat during your birthing classes, you may not have to worry at all. You may have spent college football’s Rivalry Day in some windowless hospital conference room learning about breathing techniques, the thirst-quenching power of ice chips, and cervix dilation for nothing. Many babies, as a friend of mine once quipped, come out through the roof, not the garage.    

For some reason, cesarean sections seem to have a negative connotation. Some people feel that the childbirth experience isn’t complete without enduring labor; but I’m here to tell you that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing if your kid takes an alternate route out of camp a la Steve McQueen in The Great Escape.

Both of my sons entered the world via c-section. For our first, my wife was past term and spiked a fever of 103. The labor and delivery nurse told us to come into the hospital.   Shortly after our arrival we learned that they wanted to deliver our son that night and couldn’t put my wife through labor with her fever. They gave her the epidural and whisked her off to pre-op. I donned the Tyvek jumpsuit and they brought me in. I held her hand, we had a nice conversation, and the whole surgical team seemed quite relaxed. The whole procedure took under an hour from start to finish. No screaming, grunting, or pushing; and in the end we had a perfectly round-headed baby. Sort of like getting your driver’s license without having to parallel park or execute a three-point turn. We enjoyed the experience so much that my wife squashed the idea of a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) at our first appointment for pregnancy number two before the OB could finish explaining the acronym.

Even though the c-section (in my non-medically-trained eyes) appeared a relatively simple procedure, it is still considered major surgery. That buys you a generous six-day stay at Chez Maternity. This gives you some nice private bonding time, round-the-clock access to a pleasant, knowledgeable nursing staff that patiently answers all of your nervous, clueless questions, and all the Jell-O you can handle.   

One downside to the c-section is the increased recovery time. You’ll have to do all the heavy lifting, noodads—literally and figuratively. Your wife will have limited physical abilities for a few weeks and will spend many hours in a pain-killer induced haze. Don’t be a martyr, either. If you’ve got friends or relatives in the area who offer a helping hand, take it.

All in all, I give the c-section an Ebert-and-Roperian two thumbs up.