Are You Ready to be a Dad? Take the Quiz

Just because you planted your seed and the sproutlet is forming does not mean you are ready to be a dad. Sure, you have the necessary equipment to build a family, but it takes more than a boink to be a real dad. You need to develop cat-like reflexes and be cunning like a ninja. Think you have what it takes? Take our quiz to find out.

1. How much sleep a night do you need to function as a human being?
A) 10 hours
B) 8 hours
C) 6 or less
D) Whatever I am given, I will utilize every second of

2. While sitting in front of a crying baby on a plane you feel bad for:
A) Yourself (you have to listen to crying kid)
B) The kid (those poor ears must hurt from the change in pressure)
C) The parent (flying with a crying kid must be an incredibly stressful thing for them)
D) The flight attendant (Who has to listen to crying babies all the time)

3. A "Binky" is:
A) That blonde stripper you partied with in Vegas
B) An annoying Jamaican sidekick in Star Wars
C) A street name for a pacifier
D) One of the Teletubbies

4. The perfect time during the week for me to go play golf is:
A) Saturday mornings
B) Saturday afternoon
C) Sunday morning
D) If ever, never consistently

5. What is this?

A) A floatation device
B) A stuffed animal sex toy

C) A pillow-like object sometimes used to aid in breastfeeding
D) An ergonomic neck cushion

6. Which Wiggle color combination is incorrect?
A) Jeff is the Purple Wiggle
B) Anthony is the Green Wiggle
C) Murray is the Red Wiggle
D) Greg is the Yellow Wiggle

7. Which is worse?
A) The smell of piss
B) The smell of poodad
C) The smell of puke

8. Your kids are asleep after a difficult night of crying and screaming. You stub your toe on the door. You:
A) scream, "Mother f*%$cker!" at the top of your lungs
B) yelp and kick the door again in a fit of rage
C) go back to your bedroom and sob uncontrollably from the pain with your head buried in a pillow.

9. My hand will come in contact with poop:
A) Never
B) Only once
C) more times than I can even count

10. When you are watching the game and your kid asks you for something, you:
A) Tell them to do it themselves
B) Tell them to wait until the TV timeout
C) You get them whatever they want when they want it

The Answers
Question 1: D
Whatever you thought you had for amounts of sleep, forget about it. Thinking about sleeping in will only make you bitter. Being a dad means you will learn to maximize every second of shut-eye so that on the nights that you only get 10 minutes, you will feel lucky.

Question 2: B or C
Feeling for the kid and the parent are both correct answers. Flying with kids is stressful. Real dads know to give the dude and his kid a break.

Question 3: C
Binkys or pacifiers have the potential of being your best friend. Especially when your kid starts yapping all day.

{mosnooad}Question 4: D
Dude, with kids, your recreational time is gone. You should thank your lucky stars if you get to play golf at all. Any expectation of a regular game is setting yourself up for a rude awakening.

Question 5: C
The Boppy is the first gift you will receive where you will question its value. Trust me, you will find uses for it.

Question 6: B
Anthony Wiggle is Blue.

Question 7: C
All dads, heck all parents will tell you that from experience, you will know that the undeniable truth is puke smells the worse. In fact a mild vomit is still monumentally worse than the stinkiest bowel movement you have ever experienced.

Question 8: C
Getting kids to sleep can be hard. Once you achieved that feat every night you will do everything possible to preserve that situation. If it means crying yourself to sleep in the pillow, so be it.

Question 9: C
Poop happens at least once a day with kids. The odds are stacked against you. You will get hit by stray feces more times than you can count. Just accept it to be true.

Question 10: C
Your life as a dad is now more than X's and O's. It's all about your kids. Dads know that you can keep your kids covered while still enjoying the game. It just takes some practice.

So are you ready to be a dad? If you scored anything less than 10 out of 10 I have faith you will learn on the job. Good luck noodads.