Yak Attack: What You Need to Know About Morning Sickness

Posted on 08 07, 2006 under Predad by Noodad |

yakI
had a buddy in high school who hated to puke. When I first met him, he
told me he had only puked twice in his life and he never wanted to
experience it again. I told him, anyone who is normal, does not ever
want to puke but that's life. Well, after a late night dare of whether
he could drink a gallon of milk in an hour went terribly wrong, he
changed his tune. In fact, after puking his brains out for over an
hour, he realized he had a knack for this regurgitation thing. And
thus, "Puke Boy" was formed. Puke Boy was now able (and willing) to
puke on demand. Anytime, anywhere. And he did. Anytime and anywhere he
was provoked.

Fast forward to 10 years later when my wife was pregnant with our first
kid. You guessed it. Throughout the first trimester, and well into the
second, she was Puke Girl. She puked anytime and anywhere. The
difference between her and my high school buddy, was she couldn't help
it.

Morning sickness is one of those things, early on in pregnancy, where
you kneel down beside your bed every night and thank all that is holy
that you have a pair of testicles between your legs and not a set of
ovaries. Imagine, eating that tuna salad with the suspect mayonnaise
every day for 12 weeks. That's morning sickness. Imagine taking a
baseball bat to your sac every morning. That's morning sickness.

Here's what you need to know noodads:

Morning Sickness is Good
In fact, morning sickness is actually a pretty good gauge that the
pregnancy is going well. It has been shown that morning sickness is a
way to protect mom and kid from food-borne illness and it also protects
the baby from chemicals that can deform fetal organs. So be careful
when you curse the porcelain gods every time your wife chucks.

No Morning Sickness is Not Necessarily Bad
If your wife doesn't have it, that's ok too. There are tons of mothers
who get off barf-free and pop out healthy little buggers. So don't
worry if she feels perfectly fine.

It's Not Based on Mother, it's Based on Kid
Just because one pregnancy was chunkless, does not mean subsequent
pregnancies are. Like almost everything else in pregnancy, every time
is different. VERY DIFFERENT.

Be Careful What You Eat
Moms with morning sickness are time bombs ready to explode. Any little
thing will set them off. I am proud to say I have personally made my
wife puke twice. And it wasn't from my meatloaf recipe with the whole
pepperoni stick shoved in the middle of it. One time, I burped from
some root beer I drank and she threw up. The next time, I farted from
across the room and when it made its way over to her side of the room,
she puked. She didn't think that one was funny, but come on fellas,
that's some power.

Shelter the Other Kids
If you have young kids during this time, make sure you constantly
reinforce that mommy is ok. Watching your mom yak can be a traumatizing
experience. Try to minimize the damage by taking them into a different
room, blasting music, or simply leaving (giving mom a break).

Watch Her Weight
Her throat will be sore, her stomach muscles ripped. She will not want
to eat but the first trimester is incredibly important for the mom to
gain some pounds for the baby. Frequently, all that puking will cause
her to lose weight. Check with the obstetrician on what to do. Also, if
your wife finds something that stays down, load up on it. My wife
couldn't keep anything down except pizza for the first 12 weeks. So we
had a lot of pizza.

So you lucky SOB got away with not having morning sickness. (And you
wife will call you a lucky SOB) You still need to know the facts so
that you can help her through this time. Because she will feel like
crap and by association, you will too. Good luck noodads.

 

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