April Foo’s Day

In celebration of April Fool's Day I thought it would be fitting to celebrate April Foo's Day, in honor ofmy partner in crime, Foodad. Here are links to some of the best articles Foodad has written over the last year. Enjoy!

The Princess Guide (The Big 6)
Cinderella –
This may be the most important to know. Little girl’s father (LOADED
WITH MONEY) dies after which her step mother shows her true colors. Her
Fairy godmother hooks her up with some cool threads and a phat ride to
go to the ball. She dances the whole night with the prince, but ends up
having to leave because the magic wears off at midnight.  She
leaves a glass slipper behind which the King’s minions eventually use
to find her.

What you’ll remember: Dreamy little indentured
servant who is as clever as she is hot.  Can talk to mice. 
Wears glass slippers. Has bippity boppity boobs. Naomi Watts was born
to be Cinderella. Read more

Poker Night At Your Place
If you're like me, your weekends are populated with a combination of
exhausting family activities and recovering from said activities. It
can be pretty tough to get a guys night in because your noodad buddies
are in the same boat and your single buddies probably go out much later
than you can handle. You're probably thinking that having a guys night
at home is a cool idea in theory, but that you'll need Star Trek
beaming technology to send the family to Abhu Dhabi for the evening. Read More

Stop Smoking Around Your Kids (You Selfish Asshole)
I see
you everyday, pushing a stroller with one hand, a lit butt in the
other.  You are outside. The smoke from your cancer stick is flowing
around you and your kid.  I know it is bothering her because in the two
brief seconds that I encountered you, it really bothered me.  How often
do you do this? Are you doing it at home? Are you doing it in the car?
Are you at least opening the bloody windows? If not then you might as
well be jamming a cigarette in her mouth and let her smoke along with
you. Read More

The Definitive Guide to Power Boy Names 
We all want our sons to be successful, but do we really mean it?
Today’s kids are walking around with names like Ethan, Logan, Hunter
and Willem. While these may sound cool, chances may be better that you
will end up with a Mixed Martial Arts dynamo than a dominant force
financial success. According to the US Government, in 2005 the most popular boy names
were Jacob, Michael, Joshua, Matthew and Ethan. Some of you are on the
right track to having powerful kids, but some are flat out reading the
wrong books, naming after the wrong relatives or watching too much TV. Read More

How Not To Series: Drying a Baby
The fact is that even cute and cuddly babies get dirty.  Whether you
bathe them in the tub or in the sink, you need to be very careful when
drying them off.  In todays first installment of the Noodad "How Not
To" series, we take a look at the proper way to get that little monster
dried off. 

I will start by explaining it here and then if you like, you can me
demonstrate on the next page how to and how not to dry a baby.   In
coming weeks, we will return to Noodad Labs and enlist the help of
stunt babies like Baby Alex to show you a good way to accomplish daily
kid care tasks.  Remember, the "How Not To"s are strictly that. Do not
try these at home. Our stunt babies are here to demonstrate the perils
of fumbling through fatherhood with no guide so that you do not have
to! Read More

Your Wife May Be Pimpin Your Kid on the Net
You have ventured into their turf. You have seen them armed with their
words of smiting and clad in +19 armor of contempt. You may have
attempted to engage them in battle only to learn of their tendency to
combine together like red, blue, green, yellow and “I’ll-form-the-head”
black lion into a Voltron-like presence capable of devastating even the
most determined, logical and reasonable foes.  Even before the battle
rages, each of them waves their internet family crests in a glorious
display of hypocrisy. You see, these (primarily) extremely righteous
women who would gnaw a predator’s flesh down to the bone if they so
much as laid an eyeball on their kids, are unwittingly tossing them
into the middle of the (information super) highway. 

Noodads, I am bringing this up because it could be your wife. Read More

Happy April Foo's Day!