Posted on 02 22, 2008 under Predad by
wahoodad |
THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED APRIL 2006
Among the litany of items on your hospital’s Jiffy Lube Signature Service-esque checklist of newborn must-do’s is the critical first deuce. The inaugural bowel movement kicks off a new world for you—one where you’ll be privy to more ass-muck than a Port-A-Potty at a chili cook-off. Along this soiled road you’ll experience an array of textures, a host of nauseating scents, and more shades of brown than Benjamin Moore’s color wheel; especially in the first year. Here’s a primer on your child’s excrement evolutionary chart. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 01 20, 2008 under Current Events, Doodads by
Noodad |
On a Saturday filled with errands, my wife and I decided to stop for lunch at Subway with the kids. From a marketing perspective, Subway has done a pretty good job differentiating themselves from the generic sandwich shop market by being the healthier option. “Eat Fresh” certainly keeps Subway above the “Mmmm…Toasty” and “Funny name, great sandwiches” that Quiznos and Schlotzsky’s provides.
We bought our daughter a turkey and cheese sandwich with apple wedges and an apple juice. That’s no comparison to the 5 piece chicken McNugget Happy Meal with french fries and a Hi-C orange drink.
My son got a salami sandwich with no cheese (milk allergy) and even though the meat was greasier than his sister’s turkey, compared to a hamburger, we were feeling pretty decent about our healthier choice for them. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 11 30, 2007 under Doodads by
reviewdad |
Do you ever find yourself marveling at the amount of trash you generate these days? Between the Diaper Decor bags stuffed with lethal hand-grenades and handfuls of dryer lint from baby clothes, bedding and towels (one day, I know I’ll open the dryer and all that will be left is the lint in the lint trap!), our single trash barrel that served us well before is overflowing by trash day. So is our recycling bin. For people so small, babies and kids generate an amazing amount of incremental trash.
It’s not a surprise that feeding and eating are responsible for a significant proportion of our trash in general but baby’s too. Without any effort, you can easily blow through roll of Saran Wrap or a box of Ziplock Snack Size baggies.
When it comes to keeping snacks contained when out of the house, you do have reusable options though…the ever popular Snack Trap and now The Snack Sack. The Snack Sack is a carabiner-toting cloth elasticized-drawstring bag
which holds a stainless steel bowl.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 01 16, 2007 under The Manual by
Noodad |
Having your first kid is stressful, scary as hell, and drop dead amazing all at once. But, should you be fortunate to share the responsibilities with a spouse, you have the ability to tag team all the screams, cries, vomit, and piss on the walls. You have one responsibility and you do everything you can to take care of that little bugger.
Having another kid, on the other hand, evens out the teams. Now you need to worry about KID A (god, I love Radiohead) and KID B. You have to worry about meeting each of their needs. And you have to worry about how they both interact with you and your wife, and how they interact with each other.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 10 04, 2006 under Brokedad by
foodad |
Disney World is the ultimate vacation for your family. I saw
people of every age in the park the last time I was there. Every person
seemed to be really enjoying themselves. Sure you see kids having fits,
but that's expected when there is so much excitement. I would venture
that about 80% of the under 10 crowded did not get a good night's sleep
the night before, so right around 10 AM you can see a lot of mini
meltdowns. Just another source of entertainment.
Here are some things to watch out for when you are at the park.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 09 21, 2006 under Predad by
foodad |
International Adoption often includes traveling to far off
countries with upside down time tables.
You know what I mean. China
for instance is 12 or 13 hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time. The good people of your adoption agency
understand this. Acclimation is one of the (best) reasons that they schedule a
few days in Beijing
before you go to your baby’s capital city. If you decide to travel to Korea, Russia,
Kazakhstan,
the same could easily apply.
While you are spending 2 weeks in China getting to know your new
baby, the excitement builds at home.
When we went, we literally had a few thousand hits to our blog while we were gone. We also had a gallery on the site and
uploaded about 100 pictures while we were overseas. Then the scary thing started to happen. We
started to get emails from family and friends telling us that they were looking
forward to seeing us after we got home. They were even proposing dates to do
so. The excitement of the moment clearly
clouded their thinking as many of these messages mentioned the week that we got
home as “good” meeting times. At the
time, even my wife and I did not appreciate the magnitude of the problem. We added additional stress to our situation
that we could have prevented with George-Bush-style preemptive measures.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 09 05, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
One
of the most dreaded places for parents, while on vacation, is the gift
shop. There's nothing like paying an arm and a leg to go through an
attraction, only to be forced to donate an organ and a gallon of blood
at the gift shop. There should be no question that paying admission
prices are usually worth the entertainment and educational value of the
attraction. But, unfortunately, standard gift shop fare tends to be the
same type of useless crap with a logo pasted on it.
To your kid, there's nothing better than a stuffed animal inside a
furry purse with a zoo logo on it. You know it's not worth the price,
but that doesn't solve the issue of convincing your kids. What is the
attraction? Are they dehydrated and brightly colored plastic is their
oasis? Or is it just the appeal of a toy-like object? Whatever the
reason, you need to know how to deal with it. Here are a few tips:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 07 12, 2006 under Doodads by
Noodad |
Where there are large crowds, there will no doubt be parents with their adventurous toddlers. Unfortunately, that means you will see what I consider to be an inhumane parental practice: using the toddler leash. For those who are unfamiliar, here"s how it works: you strap a velcro strap to your kid"s wrist or in some cases, a harness to their chest, and then you hold on to the other side of the strap.
Does that sound familiar? Maybe because that"s how you make sure your dog doesn"t run away. I have news for you. Although your kid may poodad like a dog, and sometimes smell like a dog, they are not dogs. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 07 11, 2006 under Predad by
Noodad |
One of the first things you will hear after the birth of your kid, is the APGAR score. This will be called out by the delivery nurse after you hear your kid"s first cry, after you hear your wife sobbing and before you start calling your family telling them the good news.
The word rhymes with Ackbar but is of no relation to the brilliant Mon Calamari commander of the Rebel Fleet, Admiral Ackbar. APGAR is an acronym for Activity, Pulse, Grimace, Appearance, and Respiration. Basically, your kid will be tested at 1 minute and 5 minutes after birth and it gives the medical staff an idea of how well your kid is doing. Each of the 5 scores are generated from the following standard: Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 05 09, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
There is a small window of time in your kid"s young life when they are too young to play by themselves and too old to just sit on your lap. Their need for total attention coupled with their inability to quietly sit on the floor next to you can create headaches. This situation rears its ugly head at the worst times: when you are trying to watch the NFL Draft, when you are sitting at a Yanni concert, or when you are trying to check your email.
Email does not mean anything to a kid. All they see is another reason why you aren"t giving them 100% eyeball time. I mean, how, at their ripe age of 3 months, could they possibly care about making their penis bigger or helping out some widow from the Congo? My son frequently quits out of my mail program, damages keys, and types a whole bunch of "egbfhyhegbfuyeo" in my emails. This, to say the least, is unproductive. Read the rest of this entry »
