Super Blockmasta Kidestructo: The Game

Here”s a game you and your wife can play with your baby or toddler. It”s competitive, has sweet rewards, and your kid will get exercise. Now what”s better than that? Learn about the fun new craze that will sweep baby nation, Super Blockmasta Kidestructo: The Game

Here”s what you will need to play the game:
• 2 sets of building blocks (Not LEGO or anything that snaps together)
• A crawling or barely walking baby
• A desire to kick your wife”s butt in everything you do
• A willingness to bet on your building skills or pay the price

Here’s how to play:
Position you and your wife between 5 and 10 feet from each other. You and your wife each builds a tower of blocks. Once the towers are built, place your kid in the middle.The goal is to try and get your kid AKA Super Blockmasta Kidestructo to knock down the other person”s tower. So as you and your wife are furiously building towers, your kid is getting a workout of epic proportions.

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The Predad Dictionary Part 3: Pre-natal Tests

As
a dad-to-be you will be confronted with some terms that are confusing,
strange, and downright-alien. Never fear! Like Frank and Buster of the
Koala Brothers, "We're here to help!" Study them pre-dads. You will be
exposed to these terms, and knowledge of them will earn you some
serious points with the wife.

I am proud to present the third installment of the Predad Dictionary.
For this installment, we will concentrate on terms pertaining to tests
and checkpoints during pregnancy. Basically any thing that involves a
needle, a vial, or a machine touching your wife can be found here.
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How Many is Too Many?

So
you go through the entire process of adopting or birthing your first
kid. Now you're done right? Well, inevitably, you and your wife will
soon be barraged with the questions of when you are going to have more
kids. I have always felt that is an incredibly rude question. It's
really no one's business except you and your wife whether you decide to
have more kids.

There are many factors to consider when planning
for more kids. You have the social factor: how does having an only
child affect the way they are raised, and the way they are treated by
you and your wife? You also have the financial factor: can you possibly
afford another kid and all that kid will require? Remember, the Vagina is not a clown car (See image on right)

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Frustrations of a One Word Kid

"Mo". That"s the word my wife and I hear about a thousand times a day. Sometimes it comes out "Muh" or "Mmuh" but always hovers around the starts-with-a "M" and ends-with-an "uh" universe. My son has mastered this one quasiword. Unfortunately he hasn"t mastered anything else. "Mo" is uttered many times a day because it gets a response from us. It is a word that demands response because we never truly have a clue what he"s asking for.

They say the Eskimos have many different words that mean snow. Personally, I fail to see the big deal as I have hundreds of words that mean poop, puke, and masturbation. I digress. My son has one word that means 13 different things. Read the rest of this entry »

How to Check Email With a Kid on Your Lap

There is a small window of time in your kid"s young life when they are too young to play by themselves and too old to just sit on your lap. Their need for total attention coupled with their inability to quietly sit on the floor next to you can create headaches. This situation rears its ugly head at the worst times: when you are trying to watch the NFL Draft, when you are sitting at a Yanni concert, or when you are trying to check your email.

Email does not mean anything to a kid. All they see is another reason why you aren"t giving them 100% eyeball time. I mean, how, at their ripe age of 3 months, could they possibly care about making their penis bigger or helping out some widow from the Congo? My son frequently quits out of my mail program, damages keys, and types a whole bunch of "egbfhyhegbfuyeo" in my emails. This, to say the least, is unproductive. Read the rest of this entry »

Poker on a Work Night At Your Place

If you’re like me, your weekends are populated with a combination of exhausting family activities and recovering from said activities. It can be pretty tough to get a guys night in because your noodad buddies are in the same boat and your single buddies probably go out much later than you can handle. You’re probably thinking that having a guys night at home is a cool idea in theory, but that you’ll need Star Trek beaming technology to send the family to Abhu Dhabi for the evening.

Not so, as long as you don’t live in a studio apartment or cardboard shanty, you can have a guys night AND your wife can have a night out by herself or with her friends, but you may need some remedial noodad.com courses before you can do it.
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You Can Still Go to Restaurants with Babies and Toddlers

Kids are great excuses to never do anything you used to like to do before you had them.  You probably have not been to Las Vegas on a weekend bender with your buddies since they invaded your personal habitat. And when was the last time you saw a movie in the theater, went out raging until 3:00AM, streaked through Ann Taylor or went to a restaurant? Boohoodads, listen up. Yes. You can still go out to eat.

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When Strangers Attack

This article was originally published in March 2006. If you haven't read it, it's new to you!

Sure your baby is cute. They all are. But with cuteness comes
great responsibility. And that responsibility falls on your shoulders
my friend. Your baby can't fend for themselves when strangers attack.
You need to pull a Macauley Culkin's Dad and take matters into your own
hands until they grow up to make their own decisions. (Then, of course,
they can make their own mistakes but that's a different article)

So what do I mean by "Strangers that Attack"? Say you are pushing your
2 week old newborn in a stroller in the mall. Like pigs on poodad, your
newborn will attract all sorts of people. It's like single guys and
dogs only instead of hot women you attract a different breed of women.

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