If you watch the Iron Chef you would know that “plating” is a big part in presentation of your meal. If you just throw a spoonful of slop in a bowl your kid will most likely not want to eat it. Oliver only asked for “more” because he was a dirty, starving orphan. Your kid needs to find eating fun and enjoyable. Here are some things that I have found success with when it comes to presentation of the meal. Read the rest of this entry »
Remember the time you were walking down the street, minding your own business, and you stepped on an errant rollerskate and went sliding out of control towards a the subway station stairway where you then proceeded to fall down 40 steps and land on a yak? or in some yak? the technicolor yawn kind! Even if that was succeeded by a piano landing on your head, that day was child”s play compared to the mental abuse you are going to experience in the delivery room.
We all remember the scene from Alien where the alien larvae busts through the guy”s stomach. That was AWESOME. Well this isn”t like that, it IS that. The baby wants out, she wants it out and it”s more painful than 20 consecutive “humilating kicks in the crotch” to do so.
The great Bill Cosby talks about how his wife stood up in the middle of labor and announced that his parents were never married. In order to descibe the pain, she also opted to grab his bottom lip and pull it up over his forehead. My wife kindly explained to me that if I did not do everything she requested, she would strangle me with the umbilical cord or any available cord, cable or wire.
This article was originally published in April 2006.
Sniffing butts…it's not just for dogs anymore. It is also for parents. For you soon-to-be dads out there, you will get to the prime butt-sniffing point in your parenting career very shortly. See, when you are in a public place and there are other kids in the room, you need to quickly figure out whether your kid is the one stinking up the joint. The quickest way to do that is to grab your kid, hold them up to the sky, shove your schnoz into their butt, and take a big sniff.
I find myself getting a good butt sniff at least 3 times a day. I don't enjoy it, but I certainly won't trade it for the other options. When my daughter was first born, I got self-conscious about sniffing her butt in public so I always either did the side sneak peek or paid the price with a leaky diaper.
The fact is that even cute and cuddly babies get dirty. Whether you bathe them in the tub or in the sink, you need to be very careful when drying them off. In todays first installment of the Noodad “How Not To” series, we take a look at the proper way to get that little monster dried off.
I will start by explaining it here and then if you like, you can me demonstrate on the next page how to and how not to dry a baby. In coming weeks, we will return to Noodad Labs and enlist the help of stunt babies like Baby Alex to show you a good way to accomplish daily kid care tasks. Remember, the “How Not To”s are strictly that. Do not try these at home. Our stunt babies are here to demonstrate the perils of fumbling through fatherhood with no guide so that you do not have to!
Would you trust these two yokels with your kids? Noodad (right) and Foodad (left) will be appearing in an upcoming video spoof of a commercial. For our American audience, we hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend and for the rest of you, now you know why we did not have any new and interesting content today.
As always, send your emails to contact@noodad.com with suggestions for content, feedback on the site or to submit your own article. Thanks for visitting the site. We"re looking forward to another crazy week at noodad.com. Register today to post comments and please check out our new sponsor! It keeps the site nice and free!
WARNING: This one is a little graphic, but mostly informative.
A couple of nights ago, my baby son and toddler daughter were taking a bath together. I was paying particular attention to her because she wanted to play a game with her soft plastic sharks. She picks them up, I do the voice of the shark "noooo don"t pick me…" and she wings it across the room "aaaaahhhh.. unngh oOOoooOoooh". That was when it happened.
Happy Easter and Happy Passover! Thanks for a great first 2 months of noodad.com. Now get out there and color some matzo eggs and hide some jelly balls for the kids!
I admit it. I probably am pretty close to the "scared of everything" noodad that Noodad refers to in part 1. Still, I thought birthing class was going to be a waste of time. I mean, I was born once, so I felt like I could use the wisdom of my past experience to guide me through it. Even though we were both sort of dreading it, my wife and I convinced each other that it would be a good thing. We went to one 10 hour session at the hospital where she was going to deliver our son for we could not bear the thought of multiple sessions. Afterwards, I felt as though I had spent the day with Pai Mei unlocking the secrets of the praying mantis style. Yes, I was greatly enlightened but it was extraordinarily painful.
Diaper rash is a pain in the ass figuratively and literally. By definition on WebMD, diaper rash is "an inflammation of the skin on the buttocks, genitals, and thighs." Although it can be caused by an allergic reaction to soaps and lotions that you rub on their body or clothes detergent, it is normally caused because you got lazy.
The most common causes of diaper rash is due to long periods of poodad and peedad on the skin, or not drying off your baby well enough after a bath. I know the drill, man. You"re up in the middle of the night changing a poodad and instead of going through the extra step of applying Vaseline, you just put the new dry diaper on. I"ve done it too. I always figure, if my wife does every other diaper then the odds are good my kid"s "down-there" regions will be taken care of.
Or maybe you are playing with them and you smell that the package was delivered but you think in your head, "I will wait to change him because maybe he has some more coming…I better wait a few more minutes. Then of course the minutes turn into a half hour. I"ve done that as well. Read the rest of this entry »
This article was originally published in March 2006. If you haven't read it, it's new to you!
Sure your baby is cute. They all are. But with cuteness comes
great responsibility. And that responsibility falls on your shoulders
my friend. Your baby can't fend for themselves when strangers attack.
You need to pull a Macauley Culkin's Dad and take matters into your own
hands until they grow up to make their own decisions. (Then, of course,
they can make their own mistakes but that's a different article)
So what do I mean by "Strangers that Attack"? Say you are pushing your
2 week old newborn in a stroller in the mall. Like pigs on poodad, your
newborn will attract all sorts of people. It's like single guys and
dogs only instead of hot women you attract a different breed of women.
If you watch the Iron Chef you would know that “plating” is a big part in presentation of your meal. If you just throw a spoonful of slop in a bowl your kid will most likely not want to eat it. Oliver only asked for “more” because he was a dirty, starving orphan. Your kid needs to find eating fun and enjoyable. Here are some things that I have found success with when it comes to presentation of the meal. Read the rest of this entry »
Remember the time you were walking down the street, minding your own business, and you stepped on an errant rollerskate and went sliding out of control towards a the subway station stairway where you then proceeded to fall down 40 steps and land on a yak? or in some yak? the technicolor yawn kind! Even if that was succeeded by a piano landing on your head, that day was child”s play compared to the mental abuse you are going to experience in the delivery room.
This article was originally published in April 2006.
Would you trust these two yokels with your kids? Noodad (right) and Foodad (left) will be appearing in an upcoming video spoof of a commercial. For our American audience, we hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend and for the rest of you, now you know why we did not have any new and interesting content today.
WARNING: This one is a little graphic, but mostly informative.
I admit it. I probably am pretty close to the "scared of everything" noodad that Noodad refers to in part 1. Still, I thought birthing class was going to be a waste of time. I mean, I was born once, so I felt like I could use the wisdom of my past experience to guide me through it. Even though we were both sort of dreading it, my wife and I convinced each other that it would be a good thing. We went to one 10 hour session at the hospital where she was going to deliver our son for we could not bear the thought of multiple sessions. Afterwards, I felt as though I had spent the day with Pai Mei unlocking the secrets of the praying mantis style. Yes, I was greatly enlightened but it was extraordinarily painful.
Diaper rash is a pain in the ass figuratively and literally. By definition on 
This article was originally published in March 2006. If you haven't read it, it's new to you!
