Posted on 02 21, 2007 under Brokedad by
Noodad |
I got robbed in broad daylight last week. The assailant came out of nowhere and in the end, I was out $200. I should have seen it coming. I should have taken more precautions. After all, I am not a kid. I have been around the block a few times. I have been mugged before. My apartment has been robbed. But I let my guard down and I got nailed. The worst part is they went after my daughter first. I say "they" because there were many people involved but I really should be saying "he" because they all answer to one person. That man is Walt Disney. And even with his head frozen in a chamber in California, he was able to pick my pocket for 2 C notes.
The event was Disney's Princesses on Ice. The location of the crime was the TD Banknorth Garden, formerly the Fleet Center, formerly the Boston Garden or "the Gahhdin". Again, I should have seen it coming. Everything associated with Disney Princesses carries a huge premium. But nothing could prepare me for the onslaught of pressure, guilt, and competition that came over me. More on the guilt later. Here is a breakdown of what we purchased during the event:
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Posted on 08 30, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
One
of the best parts of going on vacations with your kids is the ability
to experience new environments, events, and cultures. But one
unfortunate byproduct to traveling afar can be the jet lag. Jet lag for
adults are a pain in the ass. But with kids, it messes up more than a
routine. It screws with their world. After all, you and your wife may
have spent months getting your kids on a consistent sleep schedule only
for it to be screwed by a 6 hour flight across 3 time zones.
Last friday, my wife and I flew from Boston, Massachusetts to Oakland,
California, with our 2 kids. The flight was 6 and a half hours long and
it wasn't too bad considering my son is at the Curious George
stage. My wife and I thought we had it made: at most, a half hour of
screaming from my son on the plane. Not too shabby. But nothing could
prepare us for the pure hell we would endure friday night.
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Posted on 08 24, 2006 under Brokedad by
foodad |
Caveats to this idea: YOU are responsible for the safety of
your children and probably would be held responsible if some other random kid
used this and got hurt. Make sure that
if you leave your area or leave for the day, you do not leave this full of water.
You need to take the shower curtain home with you.
The beach is a great place to take the kids. They love to play in the sand and splash in
the water. The only problem is that the
sand sticks to the globs of sunscreen you have caked on your pre-walker. By the
end of the day, they look like a sugar donut and even at bath time you are
still finding sand in their nooks and crannies.
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Posted on 06 22, 2006 under The Manual by
Noodad |
Cry cry. Bawl bawl. Sometimes that"s the only thing you hear from your kids. It"s one thing to hear a whimper or the occasional scream, but when your kid goes full-on inconsolable, you can sometimes be left with a sense of hopelessness.
The older your kid gets, the more you get to know the screams and cries as if your kid is speaking to you in some sort of high pitch whale call. For our 15 month old son, a, "whaaaaaaaaaaaaa" usually means, he"s thirsty, and a "whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" means he made a deposit into his diaper account.
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Posted on 05 11, 2006 under Her by
Noodad |
It"s Mother"s Day and noodad.com is proud to salute the mothers of our children. But instead of just regurgitating common sentiments and canned Hallmark moments, the writing staff has decided to concentrate on what we call, "The Moment." This term marks the single moment in time when we realized how great our wives would be at motherhood. It is a moment of realization and revelation, the very instant when we realized just how lucky we were and how screwed we would be raising our kids without them. We hope you enjoy reading these messages as much as we enjoyed sharing them. And we encourage you other dads out there to add a comment and proclaim your admiration to your wives in this public forum. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted on 04 27, 2006 under Her by
Noodad |
If your wife is breastfeeding or plans to breastfeed, you will be barraged with new terminology. Not only should you know what they mean, you should be respectful of the implications they carry with them. For all you veteran Noodads, please add to this list so the newbies can be prepared.
Engorge (en"gorj)
verb
1 cause to swell with blood, water, milk, or another fluid
Noodad Explanation: Your wife"s boobs will fill up with milk after the baby is born. This will cause them to be huge (I"m talking Tera Patrick huge) and incredibly sensitive. Do not dare make contact with them or even look at them. Imagine getting kicked in the nuts and then jumping on a trampoline. That"s the pain your wife will have.
Used in context: "Dammit honey! You left that newspaper hanging off the table and I walked past and it grazed my engorged breast. Now I will kill you."
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